Sorry your in such a tough place. It is possible to come out of our problems stronger then we went in. Just go slowly. And don't forget to think of the kids when you seek a counselor. Kids are tough but they also need help dealing with all the new emotions that are now pressent.
(Way OT). Wife really blind sided me tonight! Infidelity!
free advice may end up being the most expensive advice of all"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." - Albert Einstein
I am sorry for your situation.
I can't imagine being in your situation but I'm sure you couldn't either a month ago. My sister's husband cheated on her, he apologized up and down and 7 years down the road he did it again. We had told her to run the first time but she wanted to "try" to make it work for the kids. Nobody gained anything from the 7 years of "trying."
Good luck, for what its worth, there seems to be a lot of well meaning support here and it sounds like we all wish you the best out of a crappy situation.
Its really odd that she decides to come clean after its over, and so much time has passed. I bet her boyfriend's wife found out and is about to drop the ball.
I got married young (24) and ended up getting divorced when I was 30 after my wife at the time had an affair and left me for the guy. It definitely hurts. I was "lucky" in the sense that I was a poor graduate student with no possession, house or children. To me, the kids change everything. I have 2 boys not (7 and 9 years old), and would do just about anything to keep them happy.
Some people are more forgiving than others. I guess you just have to weigh your feelings, the kids' welfare and how honest your wife seems to be about a reconciliation. No one here can make that call for you.
My further advise, if you really want to stay with your kids and it is extremely important to you.. try and stay together, but recognize, this could happen again.
In divorce, you never know what is going to happen, regardless of the law, what others experienced, etc. Everyone's experience is different.
The real law.... In a divorce, unless you can prove in court, with documentation that your wife is a drug addict, bi-polar, & a traitor, you will not get the kids.
durielk: "The real law.... In a divorce, unless you can prove in court, with documentation that your wife is a drug addict, bi-polar, & a traitor, you will not get the kids."
I disagree. I worked for a county child support agency in Wisconsin for 30 years (I am now retired)so I prety much saw it all day in and day out. I would have agreed with that statement 30 or 40 years ago, but my experience is that things have now really changed with respect to custody of children. Divorse courts have to start from the premise that there will be an even split of custody if the parties cannot agree. An attorney would then be appointed to represent the interests of the children and he/she must file a report to the court of his/her findings. I have known a lot of men that have ended up with custody and even far more where the custody was split more-or-less evenly. So it is not "mom always wins" anymore in custody fights.
damn, man. brutal doesn't begin to describe what you just got put through. sounds like you're off in the right direction by seeking counseling. My only thoughts would be to trust your instincts, but be patient with them too. Your first inclination is unlikely to be the same as your last. When a certain decision or outcome starts to feel like it is inevitable for days at a time, that's the instinct to trust. Aside from that, do your best to avoid the trap of thinking that there's a right answer. There are only answers with varying degrees of positives and negatives, and your job is to do your best to find the one with the best balance of the two. Good luck to you.
Just anecdotal, but agree w blitz about good Dad's sometimes getting custody.
Also agree with Blitz that dad won't necessarily get hosed by the courts. The temporary orders handed down from the commissioner in my case gave me every weekend plus two weekday evenings, which is pretty huge since I get both unstructured days. My attorney was actually shocked by how generous the commissioner was.
One case does not change the overall history of the courts. Show me the statitics with all cases, otherwise you can hand pick any outcome. He is an engineer, not into social sciences, just my experiences from what I have seen.
I am going to close this thread. The OP has not replied in a while and stated he would be MIA for the foreseeable future.
If he wants to have it reopened, he can PM me and I will do so.It is his word versus ours. We like our word. We like where we stand and we like our credibility."--Lance Armstrong.
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